Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Ahh Godzilla!

I’m a Cancerian, a Crab, born in the summer months under the Zodiac sign of Cancer.  That means my emotions are pretty changeable, like the water, they twist and turn in a moment.  It also means that all that twisting is done behind a thick shell so no one can see it.  We’re difficult that way.  While I’m used to changing emotions, a few weeks ago, I went off the deep end.

For a few days in a row, I came home from work and was filled with frustration and anger.  The kiddo was parked upside down in front of the TV and it didn’t look like he had moved in ages.  There was a cereal bowl in my clean sock basket.  Put together, these things should make me upset, yes, but not Grr Argh, Godzilla attacks Tokyo outbursts.  I couldn’t figure out why I was so upset.

Then I remembered what we had just read in Twelve Wild Swans.  My spirituality group had just gotten to the part about breaking wicked vows and letting go of things.  I came to the realization that my craziness wasn’t all the kiddo, it was mostly me. 

Work had been a big frustration.  I wasn’t focusing and I was feeling like I was lazy and wasn’t getting anything done.  Then I would go home, exhausted mentally and physically, and feel horrible for not getting my gigantic To Do list done.  When I saw the kiddo being a kid in summer, I transferred all my frustrations to him and Godzilla stepped on buildings.

The next day, I went to work, took a deep breath, and focused on doing what needed to be done, not what I couldn’t control.  I went home and got three things accomplished immediately.  It was so much better once I recognized where the overwhelming feelings were coming from. 

Now I just need to make the time to do the ritual in the book and hopefully I can continue to keep Godzilla at bay.  No promises that there won’t be a little Grr Argh.  After all, he did put a dirty cereal bowl in my clean socks…

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

A Golden Apple

After writing the post about how I recognized Eris was still in my life, I had a few experiences to verify it.  First, while trying to pack for camping for Lammas, I couldn't find anything.  Normally, it's the gnomes, but this felt more like Eris and I've been feeding the gnomes spare change pretty regularly.

Then I went to Goodwill and look what I found...

A freaking golden apple.  Seriously?  Yes, seriously.  Coincidence?  I don't think so.  It was only 59 cents and immediately came home with me.  I may be oblivious to most signs, but this one I figured out pretty quickly.

It was filled with really old potpourri and I spent the five minutes in line trying to figure out how to get it out.  I finally figured it out, though, and I'm pretty happy about it.  The gold part with the leaves and stem pops off the top.

Noumenia and an Anniversary

It’s been a month or two, but I finally lit a candle for the gods yesterday for Noumenia.  I didn’t do the whole ritual, but at least I made an effort. 

August 1st, Lammas, is my anniversary.  It’s the first ritual I remember performing as a Pagan and I’ve used it as my anniversary for fourteen years now.  My religion is older than my kiddo but I still feel like such a novice.  Most of those years probably had only one or two rituals done and long, long stretches of time where nothing was done.  I need to remember, however, that just because I don’t always do the magical side of my religion doesn’t mean I’m not a Pagan.

To me, Paganism is a religion.  I’ve always held the gods in my heart and head.  I feel that jumping up and down at the wonder of a rainbow or the electric green of spring is an acceptable form of worship.  I see the wonder of the world around me, I pick up trash and use reusable things, I try to walk my talk, and that makes me a Pagan, not just how well versed I am in casting a circle.

In this new month, as the moon grows and changes overhead, I am not going to devote myself to my path or try to get back into it.  I am going to remember that this is my path.  No matter where my feet lead me or how many rituals I miss, I am still a Pagan and the gods surround me.