Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Ahh Godzilla!

I’m a Cancerian, a Crab, born in the summer months under the Zodiac sign of Cancer.  That means my emotions are pretty changeable, like the water, they twist and turn in a moment.  It also means that all that twisting is done behind a thick shell so no one can see it.  We’re difficult that way.  While I’m used to changing emotions, a few weeks ago, I went off the deep end.

For a few days in a row, I came home from work and was filled with frustration and anger.  The kiddo was parked upside down in front of the TV and it didn’t look like he had moved in ages.  There was a cereal bowl in my clean sock basket.  Put together, these things should make me upset, yes, but not Grr Argh, Godzilla attacks Tokyo outbursts.  I couldn’t figure out why I was so upset.

Then I remembered what we had just read in Twelve Wild Swans.  My spirituality group had just gotten to the part about breaking wicked vows and letting go of things.  I came to the realization that my craziness wasn’t all the kiddo, it was mostly me. 

Work had been a big frustration.  I wasn’t focusing and I was feeling like I was lazy and wasn’t getting anything done.  Then I would go home, exhausted mentally and physically, and feel horrible for not getting my gigantic To Do list done.  When I saw the kiddo being a kid in summer, I transferred all my frustrations to him and Godzilla stepped on buildings.

The next day, I went to work, took a deep breath, and focused on doing what needed to be done, not what I couldn’t control.  I went home and got three things accomplished immediately.  It was so much better once I recognized where the overwhelming feelings were coming from. 

Now I just need to make the time to do the ritual in the book and hopefully I can continue to keep Godzilla at bay.  No promises that there won’t be a little Grr Argh.  After all, he did put a dirty cereal bowl in my clean socks…

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